Today I got news and there is no emotion or expression I can use at the moment to describe how I feel about it. Im not mad, Im not hurt, Im not sad, and Im not happy. Whats worrying me is that I care…too much.
I removed myself from a previous situation that wasnt making me happy and just when I thought I was becoming ok with where things stand, I got the news I got today. I really think its God testing me because he knows I wasnt ready for this.
Im so afraid Im gonna get caught up and reverse the one step forward I just took with 2 steps backwards. Im finally at peace with the previous situation and I want to keep it that way. I DONT want to bring back old feelings and Im afraid if I allow myself to be an outlet Im gonna get caught up.
I wanna be a good, supportive friend but I also want to do whats best for me. As selfish as that probably sounds, I really have to take my own feelings into consideration this time around. I have to make sure I have what it takes to keep myself emotionally separate from whats going on now. The question is…Can I care just enough to be the friend I want to be but not care too much to the point where I become comprised?
Feeling a little overwhelmed by my own thoughts so I thought Id pay my tumblr a visit.
This is a subject I RARELY talk about because not only am I still trying to figure it out, but it brings back not so good memories. But to not dwell on the past Im just going to start with the present. Here goes nothing.
So see there are these 3 males. One who Ive been crushing on for a while [well refer to him as #1], another who I havent yet placed in a category [well refer to him as # 2], and the last is one who is a ‘new sprout’ [well refer to him as #3]. Im not sure where my feelings lie and I dont want to get myself caught up in a position where im trapped, have to make an ultimatum, or get hurt…again. So what do I do?
The problem with #1 is these damn FRESHMAN! I refuse to lower my standards for a boy but these young girls will do just about ANYTHING. And lets face it…if temptation is dangling in your face…youre gonna give in. Here in lies the problem.
To be honest, I have absolutely NO idea what I was thinking when I gave #2 my number. Im really not attracted to him in any way and he annoys me more than anything. I find my self pretending I never got his text messages. The plus to #2 is, hes older, employed, and not a father. The negatives…he likes to text late at night and he has no, nor does he want a college degree. Major turn off. Sorry but I know what I like. I guess I pretty much answered my own dilema here though.
I really dont have much to say about #3 since its so recent. What I want to know is if I should really even pursue it.
I am just so scared of getting hurt. Id honestly rather be by myself then hurt and heartbroken. I wouldnt wish that feeling on my worst enemy. Yes, I miss being in a relationship and all the good stuff that comes with it but I am not sure if I am ready for all the bad. I know its normal to feel how I am feeling but am I really ready for a new ‘love’ or am I just getting bored? I have the opportunities but I am too scared to take them. I know I am being my own hindrance but I really dont know where to go from here. And here in lies my dilemma.
when I said I was ready for whatever comes my way.
Just spent the last 3 hours searching for my ‘missing’ Mom. Found myself calling 10 different hospitals, the police department, and the county jail. Turns out she just ran out of gas and was sitting on the side of the road for hours waiting for a good samaritan to pull over because her phone is unusable at the moment and she couldnt call AAA or anybody for that matter.
Although Im pretty pissed about the whole situation, [due to prior instances] for the 2 hours I truly had no clue where she was, [I thought she was lying dead in a ditch or tied up in somebody’s trunk. Yes I know I watch too much TV] I was thinking Im really not ready to lose my Mom right now. As much as she gets on my God given last nerve I never want to lose her. Even if its only for 3 hours….